Forty Noughties - 2000

By Manny Tsigas

The year 2000 was the year I decided to become a film critic. Mostly because when I was 15 what I lacked in looks, athleticism and general popularity I made up for in knowledge of cinema. Sure, it didn't serve any real purpose other than to hi-jack discussions in media class, but it was too late - movies had consumed me as much as I'd consumed them.

To this day my heart still beats for cinema, and I realise just how much time I've poured into the silver screen when I read those really tedious "best of" film lists (from Empire Magazine's endless countdowns, to those tools on 20 to 1), and notice I've seen quite a few of them. Then, on the next step to having no life whatsoever, I say to myself, "Hey, I should write one of my own."

What you're about to read is self indulgent torture at its finest, and like every film list ever written it should be taken with a grain of salt. It's impossible to figure out which films are the best or the worst or the most underrated etc., but what I hope to do is share some titles with you that I personally feel helped shape this past decade in film.

Every month or so, the Debaser [Online] will feature a new list of 40 films from each year between 2000 and 2009 - aka, the Noughties. Half will be rattled off in a list entitled Honourable Mentions, but the other half will be analysed for your consideration using the following categories:

The Big - the year's top five highest grossing films (worldwide).

The Best - five films I (and a few others) consider to be the year's best films.

The Bad - five films I (and a few others) consider to be the year's worst films.

The Bewdy - the year's best Australian film.

The Barely Mentioned - five brilliant films that you don't hear about that often anymore.

So we begin at the turn of the millennium where optimism was reigning supreme. Things were suddenly different now. It was everyone's personal duty to shake things up, rattle a few cages, push the envelope, and a bunch of other generic motivational phrases that fizzled soon after we found out the Y2K bug was bullshit. Chances are if you weren't at the cinema you were watching the advent of "reality" TV, riding one of those annoying collapsible scooters, or downloading various hits including the Baha Men's never-ending search for whoever let the dogs out.

But the year's most memorable big screen stories came thick and fast. It was a Battle Royale of Crouching Tigers and Hidden Dragons, featuring X-Men, Wonder Boys and American Psychos. A year that taught us you didn't have to be Unbreakable to be Best In Show. Anyone could be Almost Famous, from Billy Elliot to Erin Brokovich. But even High Fidelity in the Shadow of the Vampire can be Gone... in 60 Seconds.

OK, that last part made no sense, but you get the idea.

THE BIG

1) Mission: Impossible II

Brian De Palma's slow-burning, but still crappy, Mission: Impossible was quickly vaporised by this 123 minute explosion montage. Filmed in Australia John Woo decided to go less visceral and more "blow-shit-up-eral", as Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) tries to retrieve samples of an artificially created disease (not scientology) that a gang of international terrorists want to infect the world with. Explosions and a shitload of Scooby Doo-esque de-maskings ensue. But having made more than $546 million, it set the bar as the new millennium's highest grossing flick.

2) Gladiator

"Are you not entertained?!" Well, yeah, we were. With nearly $458 million at the box office, five Academy Awards and one of the most intense performances in recent memory, Gladiator kicked ass and took names both on and off-screen. With his family slaughtered and himself sold into slavery by the corrupt Prince Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix), Maximus (Russell Crowe) goes from a noble soldier and family man, to the darling of Ancient Rome's gladiatorial death matches. The first in a long line of collaborations between Crowe and director Ridley Scott, Gladiator seems to have everything: the perfect mix of action and drama, a captivating story, scintillating dialogue, awesome cinematography (John Mathieson), and tigers.

3) Cast Away

Not the most talkative film in the world, but its modesty allows the enormity of Tom Hanks' performance to shine. He plays workaholic Chuck Noland, who on his way to Malaysia comes achingly close to death after his plane crashes somewhere in the Pacific. Stranded on a deserted island and with no help in sight, Noland is forced to adapt to his surroundings and fend for himself. We become his invisible companion, humbled by watching him work so hard to achieve the smallest of victories like lighting a fire or finding clean drinking water. But even after four years in the wilderness (with only the company of a volleyball named Wilson), Noland's drive and stubbornness are still with him. So he makes a break for the water in an attempt to return to his beloved Kelly (Helen Hunt), whose memory has kept him alive. Easily Robert Zemeckis' best film of the decade, and with almost 430 million dollars to show for it, the tribe has spoken.

4) What Women Want

Up until a certain drunken rant in 2006, what women wanted was Mel Gibson. Many of them voted with their feet by making this cleverly written flick more than $374 million worldwide. Gibson plays Nick Marshall, a chauvinistic ad executive who's almost as good selling to men as he is bedding women. But his hopes for a promotion are dashed when Darcy McGuire (Helen Hunt, again) is hired instead. In a poor attempt to prove himself to the firm, Nick accidentally electrocutes himself. When he awakes he realises he has the power to hear the inner thoughts of women - including Darcy, who he falls in love with. While it's all very Hollywood (men are shallow, women are the stronger sex, blahdy blahdy blah), the film is buoyed by a good script and a solid cast; Alan Alda, Ashley Johnson and Bette Midler's supporting roles add some familiar flavours that make a huge difference. Look out for the rumoured 2011 release of What Boys Want (hint: a little more objectivity would be nice).

5) Dinosaur

Visually stunning but a bit lopsided. Dinosaur's look combined computer animation with live-action backgrounds, but its plot tried to mesh a realistic depiction of the prehistoric era, with the cutesiness of your regular Disney feature. But hey, with almost $350 million in box office takings, who's complaining? This tale of an orphaned dinosaur (voiced by DB Sweeney) seeking sanctuary after a meteorite shower destroys his adopted family's home wooed kids and adults alike. A must for small children, or big babies.

THE BEST

Almost Famous

Chances are you knew the words to "Tiny Dancer" verbatim after seeing this, but many more remember the name of its leading starlet, who like her mother knew how to leave an impression on-screen. There wasn't a man/boy alive who didn't want to be William Miller (Patrick Fugit), a 15-year-old mistakenly hired to write for Rolling Stone magazine by travelling with an up-and-coming band, led by Russell Hammond (Billy Crudup). Kate Hudson (daughter of Goldie Hawn) plays Penny Lane, a groupie who becomes the object of William's affection, as he learns the ropes of fame, love, dreams and how to deal with his overbearing mother (Frances McDormand, who ends up stealing the show). Almost Famous has a wit and charm that you're unlikely to find anywhere else. You'll end up loving this silly little film so much that it hurts.

Memento

Usually a film being ass-backwards is a bad thing, but Memento's originality and brilliant performances proved it was an exception to the rule I just made up. From the opening sequence you're in freefall; confusion sets in that's slowly remedied by the following 113 minutes, granted you stay on your toes. Presented in reverse chronological order (spliced with a chronological back-story in black-and-white), Memento surrounds Leonard (Guy Pearce), a man trying to find out who raped and killed his wife. To make things more complicated he suffers from a rare condition where he's unable to store new memories, so his only way of getting things done is with the help of a mysterious woman (Carrie-Anne Moss), and a number of tattoos and Polaroids. It's calculated chaos at its finest, and an early indication of the unbridled talent of director Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight).

Requiem For A Dream

It's a film about addiction that provides a genuine rush, but eventually proves hazardous to your health. Harry (Jared Leto), his girlfriend Marion (Jennifer Connelly) and their friend Tyrone (Marlon Wayans) are illicit drug addicts, whose dreams of success fade with every passing scene. Their ultimate demise begins with a decision to enter the drug trade for themselves, leading to a visual tour de force that's confronting and ruthlessly ugly. In a slight contrast we also see the decline of Harry's mother, Sara (Ellen Burstyn), a lonely elderly widow whose life is consumed by an addiction to diet pills after she's invited to appear on a game show. With more than three times the amount of cuts than your average feature, Requiem for a Dream moves at a startling pace that's guaranteed to stay with you for quite some time. It's by no means a feel-good movie, but undoubtedly one of the year's best.

Snatch.

It's a shame Guy Ritchie's career has almost been limited to one kind of movie, but it's a movie he pulls off so effectively that you simply don't care. While it isn't a sequel to his previous effort Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Ritchie packs an equally powerful punch with Snatch thanks to more razor sharp wit from a cluster of small-time cockney crooks. A very dry Jason Statham plays Turkish, an unlicensed boxing promoter who's chased by London's baddest-ruffest after multiple attempts to fix a fight go south. Meanwhile, a mafia boss from the US (Dennis Farina) travels to England in search of a missing 84 karat diamond following a jewellery heist. The characters both men encounter are simply priceless; from a gibberish-spurting gypsy (an almost unrecognisable Brad Pitt), to a bullet-toothed standover man (Vinnie Jones), to a trio of hapless conmen. Simply put, Snatch is devoid of any dull moments whatsoever, carried by an endless stream of quotable dialogue.

Traffic

To be honest, I think director Steven Soderbergh is overrated. His films rely too heavily on star-power (most of which are led by George Clooney playing himself) but Traffic is different. Sure, it too has an all-star cast, but a combination of Soderbergh's unique cinematography and Stephen Gaghan's brilliant script makes sure it stands out from the rest. A gripping depiction of the modern day drug trade from all sides, the plot is split into three stories with three different colour schemes. The first follows Robert Wakefield (Michael Douglas); a conservative politician who's been appointed to lead America's war on drugs, only to find out his daughter is an addict. In stark contrast, Mexican cop Javier Rodriguez (Benicio Del Toro) struggles with his conscience after agreeing to work for an anti-drug official, who may be anything but. And finally, two DEA agents (Don Cheadle and Luis Guzman, in a brilliant display of on-screen chemistry) protect a reluctant witness in the trial of a notorious drug boss, whose wife (Catherine Zeta Jones) must take desperate measures to protect him. At various points these three stories cross over to create some awesome viewing. A must for anyone blessed with the gift of sight.

THE BAD

Big Momma's House

The only laugh I got out of this movie was when I noticed on my ticket the printer had cut the title down to "Big Momma's Ho". It was all down-hill from there. Following the success of Eddie Murphy's obsession with playing multiple characters in fat-suits, Martin Lawrence gave it a shot as a cop assigned to protect a material witness by posing as her estranged, obese grandmother. No, it's not as ridiculous as it sounds; it's much, much worse. The best scenes (we're using the term "best" lightly) can be seen in the trailer, while the remaining 90 minutes contains enough ass jokes to make the Wayans brothers look like the Coen brothers. It's so juvenile that tven Tracy Jordan wouldn't have this on the wall of his office.

Charlie's Angels

OK, we get it. They're attractive. You got anything else for me? A plot? Some decent dialogue perhaps? No, I don't want another 12 explosions followed by your sixth music-video sequence where Cameron Diaz shakes her... wait, actually, I'm here now so I might as well... wait, NO! Dammit! A curse on you, McG! Charlie's Angels may've gotten the 15-year-old me excited, but even then I knew your movie sucked worse than a vacuum cleaner endorsed by Monica Lewinsky! Sickening glitzy and trying way too hard to be interesting, Charlie's Angels was the first of many unfunny, overblown films that made some serious coin by rehashing old TV shows (Starsky and Hutch, The Dukes of Hazzard). I never thought it was possible for someone to actually create something that makes me want to turn away from looking at pretty women. All style, no substance, and a cavalcade of pointless cameos doesn't help either.

Highlander: End Game

Remember in the original Highlander when every two seconds we'd hear the catch-cry "There can be only one"? What happened? Does someone have to decapitate some crazed studio exec to make sure this lacklustre series doesn't continue? The previous three films focused on Connor McLeod (Christopher Lambert), an immortal swordsman who in this one must join forces with his brother, Duncan (Adrian Paul) to defeat an evil sorcerer (Bruce Payne) who killed their mother around 500 years earlier. For some reason the film intertwines the Highlander television series with the previous films, thus making sure we're twice as bored. Lambert phones in his performance with less zest than you would ordering a pizza. Adrian Paul somehow manages to be even blander, while Bruce Payne struggles to add some much-needed charisma to this ridiculously unnecessary sequel. And worst of all, not a Queen song in sight.

Men of Honor

You know in The Simpsons when we catch glimpses of movies that are basically a piss-take about how overblown Hollywood can be? Well, Men of Honor is without a doubt the sappiest, sap-filled, sap-hole that ever sapped the sap. Somewhere a forest of sequoia trees is dying. Cuba Gooding Jr. plays Carl Brashear, who whilst lacking experience and education is determined to become the first African American Navy Diver. He's trained by crusty sea dog Leslie Sunday (Robert DeNiro), who is specifically ordered to see that Brashear fails. Did I mention Brashear was black? Well, the film does... about 20 times... as you're staring at Cuba Gooding Jr... who's black. Anyway, years after overcoming his obstacles Brashear loses a leg in combat, and Sunday, now a broken down alcoholic, helps him become the first amputee diver. The court scene that follows almost made me diabetic. Apparently Men of Honor is based on a true story and no doubt it's an inspirational one. But its telemovie treatment and wall-to-wall melodrama makes it almost unbearable to sit through. Fine actors that they are, De Niro and Gooding Jr. ham it up in this one, but it was good to see Cuba move on to bigger and better things in 2001; playing a naval officer who gets racially abused in Pearl Harbor.

Scream 3

In the lead-up to the release of Scream 3, a young girl in Melbourne (somehow) managed to rent the original Scream for her 8^th birthday. She was so freaked out by what she saw she became catatonic and had to undergo intensive counselling. So naturally, every man and his dog (including yours truly) said, "Dude, we really have to see Scream 3." Yeah, yeah, I'm cruel. Anyway, this one has Neve Campbell reprising her role as Sidney Prescott, who comes out of hiding to help solve a series of murders on the set of a movie about her previous run-ins with attractive murderers. I assure you dear readers on the night I saw Scream 3, I also became catatonic - at how mind-numbingly bad it was. The original was a true stroke of genius by Wes Craven; criminally entertaining, scary as hell, and with a fanboy level of self-awareness. But by the third instalment the characters had become caricatures (never have I wanted to punch an actor as badly as I did David Arquette), the building of suspense was almost completely omitted, and the twists therein were so ridiculous it would've made Virginia Andrews cringe (look it up). The fact I wasted two hours watching it cut me deeper than any ghost-faced killer ever could. And despite being touted as the final in the series, Scream 4 is currently in pre-production. Eep.

THE BEWDY

Chopper

In a year when the AFI gave us such gems as... uhhh... screw it, lemme start over. Chopper was by far the best Australian film of 2000, and why the AFI failed to recognise this (by going with Looking for Alibrandi instead) is beyond almost everyone. It's the film that single-handedly launched Mark "Chopper" Read's controversial folk-hero status to another bizarre level, with scenes and dialogue that personify the term "dark humour". Based on Read's autobiography From The Inside, this drama/black comedy takes us through various instances that helped shape such a fascinating, yet dangerous and conflicted character. Eric Bana's portrayal of Chopper is much like the film itself - at times it seems like a piss-take, almost taking pleasure in blurring the line between accuracy and absurdity. But this engrossing performance, teamed with its eerie look and feel, make it one of the decade's best - Australian or otherwise.

THE BARELY MENTIONED

Girlfight

Recently, director Karyn Kusama's films have taken a more cartoonish approach to portraying strong women (Aeon Flux, Jennifer's Body), but she kick-started both her career and that of actress Michelle Rodriguez with a gritty picture that was humble, yet engaging. Girlfight centres on Diana, an 18-year-old with a massive chip on her shoulder. At school she's earned a reputation as an angry loner, with her aggression stemming from a volatile relationship with her father, following her mother's death. But when she decides to centre her anger by learning to box, she faces more confronting challenges than simply stepping into the ring. Sure, it seems predictable (there's even a love interest at the gym she trains at), but the plot doesn't just go through the motions. It's an underdog story tackled in an underdog way with a solid cast and impressive cinematography (which leads to some of the best boxing sequences in recent memory). I'd call it a knockout if that wasn't such a cliché.

High Fidelity

If you like music, you'll love High Fidelity. If you don't like music, you'll still love High Fidelity. Then again if you don't like music, you have no soul. Rob Gordon (John Cusack) is an obsessive 30-something-year-old record store owner whose girlfriend has just dumped him for their upstairs neighbour (leading to one of the most painful scenes in cinematic history). In the same way he'd compile a list of his top five albums, Rob shares with us his top five break-ups, and reconnects with his former lovers to find out where he went wrong. Heart-wrenching but refreshingly whimsical, Nick Hornby's novel is brought to the screen with such verve and vigour that it's almost impossible not to like. The scenes featuring the "musical moron twins" Dick (Todd Louiso) and Barry (Jack Black) are also plenty of fun, especially the final performance by Barry Jive and the Uptown Five.

Hollow Man

A decade after it was mostly panned by critics, I'm not afraid to admit I still enjoy this straight-and-narrow horror/thriller. Kevin Bacon (who has to be one of the most versatile actors of all time) has a bit of fun in this one, playing a megalomaniacal scientist who goes slightly mad after discovering the secrets of invisibility. It's by no means an original concept, but its visual effects, occasional one-liners and a fine supporting cast all mesh together to create an entertaining, and at times disturbing, picture. Elisabeth Shue is another plus, mostly because she looks hotter here than she did 15 years earlier. Go figure.

Sexy Beast

This movie has the same qualities as its antagonist: jarring, slow burning and disturbingly entertaining. At times it's difficult to watch but you don't dare look away. Ray Winstone plays Gal, a retired safe cracker whose quiet life in the Spanish countryside is interrupted by a visit from Don Logan (Sir Ben Kingsley), a violent sociopath who's planning to rob an executive safe in London. Gal is adamant his life of crime is over, prompting a razor sharp performance from Kingsley, whether he's making every uncomfortable silence deafening, or literally spraying a barrage of curse words. Ian McShane's supporting role as the cold-hearted Teddy Bass adds to an already outstanding picture that teeters a fine line between serenity and insanity.

Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust

It's a tale of forbidden love between a conflicted young woman and a dashing vampire. One scene has the main character, D, sitting in a tree. And that's where the similarities end between Twilight and the devilishly entertaining anime feature Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust. This one centres on vampires; y'know, the beings that walk in shadows slaying humans rather than giving them thinly veiled advice against abortion and getting makeup tips from their girlfriends? Yeah, them.

Anyway, D is a bounty hunter who is half human, half vampire. He's hired by a wealthy family to rescue their daughter, Charlotte, who was kidnapped by the ruthless vampire nobleman, Meier Link. D's mission is littered with dangers both human and supernatural, from a team of competing bounty hunters, to Meier Link's scintillatingly sinister bodyguards. But as he gets closer to Charlotte, D realises she may not have been kidnapped at all. Like most anime features the script is a tad underwhelming, but its visuals are anything but. The animation is truly mesmerising, and you don't necessarily have to be a fan of anime to appreciate it (though, it helps). With gloriously entertaining action sequences and a tone darker than the deepest night, Vampire Hunter D may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it's certainly enough to entice the slightest hint of bloodlust within many who watch it.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS

• Unbreakable
• Next Friday
• The Patriot
• O Brother, Where Art Thou?
• Scary Movie
• Romeo Must Die
• Battle Royale
• Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
• X-Men
• American Psycho
• Best In Show
• Billy Elliot
• Erin Brokovich
• Gone... in 60 Seconds
• U-571
• Wonder Boys
• Chicken Run
• Shadow of the Vampire
• Battlefield Earth (hey, you can't spell "dishonourable" without "honourable")